Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
