Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
