just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize