My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
