he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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