Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
