I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
