You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
