I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
