P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
