listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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