I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I think I just sharted jello shots
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