the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
