if you like me you must not know who I am
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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