At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
