I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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