i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
