yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
