I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
