The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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