just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
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