What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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