If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
