He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I want a musical about memes.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
