I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
