need another drink. this is the easiest way
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
