no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
