My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
