I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
