get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
