MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize