what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
