You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
