woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Actions speak louder than pants.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
