Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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