it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
