I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
