Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize