He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Never underestimate the power of titties
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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