I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
