What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
