Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
