first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
