Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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