Slut skills are useful in every country.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
