At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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