sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
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