So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
this beer tastes like vomit already
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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