I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
