Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
