If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just googled if crying burns calories
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
