she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
