i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
