Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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