some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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