I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
