I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
