foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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