ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
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