i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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