don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
