my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
