Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
