it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
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Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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